anxiety

the air
wont stay in
is being
s u c k e d out
without grace
by some obscure thief
or maybe the exit
that I'm unaware of
constantly searching for
my body is not my own
when every movement is
s l o w m o t i o n
my muscles are made of milk
being flash frozen
by liquid nitrogen signals
my brain is not my own
being observed by
every stranger here
but belongs to a child
just discovering panic
wishing for mother's womb
the warm weightless ambiance
and rhythmic sound of safety

someone please tell me to breathe

Children

I hate children
despise their innocent ignorance
the simplicity of every look
of not having to know
anything
it's hard to watch
as they discover the
sound of their own voice
insistent on hearing it constantly
as if to be reassured
its one thing that can never
be taken from them

its hard to understand
how a simple look
is entertaining
i must have the face of a clown
or maybe they see something
i missed in the mirror
this morning
or hear a joke I haven't told yet

it's not fair
that they look me in the eyes
and cry
without understanding
why
and I just stand alone
unsure of what to do

I often wonder what it's like
to have no shame in my tears
I'm sure I knew at one time
where did I learn to build such a dam

kidnapped

when you said you would
kidnap me
did you mean it
did you mean to pull me away
away from all these questions
and concerns
pull me up from
under this water
this ice cold tomb
where I suffocate
from the pressure
Did you mean it?
that I would be blind folded
whisked away to some
far away fairy tale
to become some spoiled
princess in your palace
did you mean
that I could finally have some
reason to laugh and play
in a childhood that
I neglected myself
only now watched over
with heavy adult eyes
Did you mean it?

I'm waiting for the sack
over my head.

Not tonight

you sing to me
in poetry
in loaded lyrics
the chords cry out
from under your fingers

I know how they feel.

my palms sweat
as yours cradle notes
and harmonics
and I'm jealous
of the way you hold your guitar
the way you close your eyes to remember
of your honesty

my heart falls to the floor
somewhere around my feet
my heart is in my hands
anywhere, but where it should be
at a moment like this
my insides are cold
all the blood is in my head
my skin burns
unsure of what to do
resist the urge to
crawl into your lap
like that lovely guitar
knowing you already play me so well

But I just leave
I can't fall in love with you tonight.

have you no certainty?

It's Wendesday again
and she's on the cusp
of changing her mind,
again.
Woman! Have you no certainty?
Her fickle frailties will get her in trouble
again.

for your own good

try hard
not to fall for more than this pretty face
i'm a heartbreak away
and a tease on your senses
and if you aren't careful
you'll find yourself
thinking of me
before falling asleep
and having fantasies shared by others
for it seems not so uncommon
to find youself in awe of such an entity
this is not arrogance
but more so concern
for your well being
as i cannot live up to your expectations
to be consistantly amazing
and the disappointment
mine and yours alike
would be more than
the pleasant delusion could defend against
besides love is overated
especially when it idealizes the ideas
so let it rest at admiration
for all parties envolved

Dance

they danced
a slow sensuous dance
across natural beige
they twirled her around
leaving behind a whisper
of satin and silk
with a smile her eyes closed
letting him lead
smooth and silent
they traced the floor
drawing a picture
so perfectly clear
he had to remind her
to breath.

your head in my hands
rain down
tiny drops
dark snakes
between my fingers
tangled desperately
through out your thoughts
dripping cold against my skin
I have to
constantly remind myself to
breathe
but each breath
is more of a gasp
a beg
a plea
for more
or just a break
so that I remember
the real world
outside your eyes
and i'm burning
from the inside out
or the outside in
tiny sparks jumping across
my skin
in the pattern of your lips
your fingertips
every nerve is white hot magnesium
burning every circuit pathway to my brain
until each feeble thought
is a muddle moan
a meek cry
a protest against you leaving
your marks
on my soul

I remember when you asked
how expensive my shoes were
as if it mattered
knowing good and well
they would end up scattered
across your floor
even though
they were probably more deserving
of the care you give my skin.

your room speaks to me
in heavy language
Mr. King is so accusing
in the afternoon glow
diffused through your window
misleading time
like some plot hole in a movie
of sex and scandal

it's morning still.

You've finally caught
your dream
And I fight sleep
against the sound of
your lullaby
strung out along with
lonely guitars
their strings
jealous for your attentions
their bodies
longing to be held the same as me

Slow love in a Mirror

He caresses every curve
with a look
he wont have to touch her
to send chills down her spine
simply watch
almost contentedly
she pretends she doesn't see him
undressing every peice she puts on
in the muted morning glow
he's still heavy in the bed
while she brushes her hair
he smiles slightly
thinking of brushing it off her shoulder
to replace with his lips
beauty blushes
because she knows
bends over too seductively
to strap on his favorite heels
he could take her now
if she didn't have to go
so he just watches, making
slow love in the mirror

Tractor Beams

where did you get such
space age technology
embedded into your
skin,
pulling me in so deep
chest first into
some blinding light?
my head resists,
falls back.
my heels dig in,
toes curl,
and somewhere
we make contact.
on some existential plain
I'll float for a moment
in your arms.
I can't breathe in this space.
Your eyes are a vacuum
sucking me in a little closer
with each heavy look.

Everything

Every sound a symphony
every light a flare
everything is laced with you
everything everywhere

every breath is heavy
every blink is too
everything is waiting
when I'm here with you

Every whisper is wanton
every thought is scandalous
every moment tension
growing taut between us.

every touch is torture
every kiss is kryptonite
every look is longing
in this place tonight.

why must we always speak
to each other in poetry
behind tinted windows
and closed doors
whispering metaphors
against our skin
like a simile for our secrets
afraid perhaps
that without individual interpretation
there would be no denying
the piles of words
that get left out of simple stanzas
that flirt around literal litany
those words
we keep held in our mouth so full
they fall out of the corners with every sigh

more satisfying on myself

i smell you on my skin
durring the groggy morning glow
testimony for the morning after
i embrace every breath
as you sleep
taking in your essence
i make a memory of the moment
mapping sensory pathways
to remember exactly how i got here
baracaded into your chest by a heavy arm
when you awake
you may find me in your shirt
but i have you on my skin
the scent of which
is almost
more satisfying on myself

unsatisfied

I hope you're never satisfied
while lying next to anyone but myself.
I hope her lips leave you thirsty,
and her smell leaves you
somewhat nauseated.
Not that i wish you ill,
its just that...
she's not me,
and i see you're still not happy.
When she sleeps
find yourself restless.
As she smiles at you
from across the table,
see me in her eyes.
Look at her and
ask yourself why...
there are times you wish
she would just leave.
I hope her fragile face
makes you cringe,
and at the end of each day
I hope you wish she was me.

Lady Luck is not My Lover

victim of circumstance happenchance perhaps simply mishaps coincidence in suspence maybe karma cursed just shy of the worst could it be choreographed by devine staff if so, lady luck happens to suck

Strangers

I think saw your face
I dreamed it up long ago
just to give breath to your smile
bliss I can only pretend in
Nameless, Loveless, Restless
In a place where less is more
We were never strangers
until the day we met
then only lovers in a strange place.

Russian Roulette

I find myself
p e a k i n g
around corners,
watching my back
and every footstep
unsure of whether
I'm avoiding
or looking for you.
I smile,
just to watch the shape of your irises grow.
just to see the subtle change of color
just to make you be the one to walk away
we're playing a quiet game.
You'll hear me coming.
Someday.
Neither of us will sneaking
There are no surprises in Russian roulette.

Fire Alarm

I scare you
for good reason.
Perhaps you should trust your instincts
that the shadows within my eyes
are not just mysteries
waiting to be revealed
waiting to be released
pulled out by some hand
hoping to save my soul.
or maybe that's you.

You scare me
for good reason.
Being in the right place
at the wrong time
Perhaps it is the other way around
A bright blinking EXIT sign
and I'm suffocating from
smoke inhalation.
or maybe that's you.

Nothing is on fire yet
except for our own skin.
except for the air we breathe.
Except when we're in the same room.

Darker kind of love

It’s a darker kind of love

The inner workings of a misread thought

Not quite understood.

Confusions of a notion on a whim that might be affection

The ponderings of lust

Littered with emotions

A conflict of intentions

Paradox of actions

You shouldn’t, but you could

It’s a matter of if you will.

awkward silence

I think we purposely create these
awkward silences
hold them between us
stiff armed with eyebrows raised
resisting the urge to fill them up
with something meaningful
scared of the implications
already smeared on the walls above us
in some weird code
if we relax too much
perhaps the dams will break
spilling out into those tepid quiets
and we'll get swept away, drown
in a flood of words
while everyone else sits behind their sandbags

When I Kiss You Long and Slow

Keep me close inside your heart
My blood is on your hands
Take our secrets deep within
Don’t show them to your fans

Private thoughts between your ears
Unspoken prolific words
Stolen moments shared by us
Keep seal on things unheard

Take your demon wings and things
Take your shadow spies
Take me in your arms tonight
And silence all my cries

Sparks and shadows in your looks
A will barely contained
Spread your hands across my skin
Trespass on his domain

Love me with your softer words
And break me with your fist
Make a thousand broken promises
And seal them with your kiss

Thoughts of me in downcast eyes
Make me burn with in
So when I kiss you long and slow
It brings me peace again

Whisper words of dark profane
For me to speak in sleep
Haunting lyrics of your love
That pull me down so deep

Strangers

I think saw your face
I dreamed it up long ago
just to give breath to your smile
bliss I can only pretend in
Nameless, Loveless, Restless
In a place where less is more
We were never strangers
until the day we met
then only lovers in a strange place.

Greek air

So close you can almost breath another atmosphere
Hold your breath
Reach out to the stars
Infinity is not enough to count them all
Let them drip through your fingers
Into the sea
Don't hold on, least condensed air
Burn a scar for your soul
Restless mangled flesh
Would do good to forget
It is only awe that steals the oxygen.

well....

I"m a copy cat.... (thanks for the idea Jay)
I decided to create a blog just for my creative juices, my other one may end up getting used for class or business stuff.... so yeah. Im going to move all my previous poetry over here... dont worry.... it will be a slow process. I think I'll just copy an old poem over every time I write a new one.