Hang your high heads,
heavy with the weight of your life,
hair gone gray from stress.
Is it in shame or prayer?
Tears drip down
cold on my skin,
matting my hair.
I look away,
afraid to see you
break under pressure.

Your fingers curl
brittle with seasonal arthritis.
You're still young yet,
but i hear your bones
moaning,
your joints stretching,
cracking,
and I fear for your life
and mine alike.

Missing You

i wonder if you think of me
a pagan in your presence
graced by a glance
a touch
maybe meant not soley for me
but everytime
i felt worthy
if only for that moment
but i should have known
your calliber could never be content
with the likes of me
can you even remember the way i taste?
give it not a second thought
this is just me
missing you

Apparition of Faith

When you left
my pillow clung to your scent
like a mother to her child
And when the door shut behind you
it might have been a boulder on my chest
I find rapture every morning in your eyes
and redemption in your hands
so without you here
I'm on my knees
and your name hangs heavy
from my tongue
Your kiss is my cross
a burden to bear
I'll be your sacrifice
if you'll be my savior
You're an apparition for my faith
the only heaven worth believing in

anxiety

the air
wont stay in
is being
s u c k e d out
without grace
by some obscure thief
or maybe the exit
that I'm unaware of
constantly searching for
my body is not my own
when every movement is
s l o w m o t i o n
my muscles are made of milk
being flash frozen
by liquid nitrogen signals
my brain is not my own
being observed by
every stranger here
but belongs to a child
just discovering panic
wishing for mother's womb
the warm weightless ambiance
and rhythmic sound of safety

someone please tell me to breathe

Children

I hate children
despise their innocent ignorance
the simplicity of every look
of not having to know
anything
it's hard to watch
as they discover the
sound of their own voice
insistent on hearing it constantly
as if to be reassured
its one thing that can never
be taken from them

its hard to understand
how a simple look
is entertaining
i must have the face of a clown
or maybe they see something
i missed in the mirror
this morning
or hear a joke I haven't told yet

it's not fair
that they look me in the eyes
and cry
without understanding
why
and I just stand alone
unsure of what to do

I often wonder what it's like
to have no shame in my tears
I'm sure I knew at one time
where did I learn to build such a dam

kidnapped

when you said you would
kidnap me
did you mean it
did you mean to pull me away
away from all these questions
and concerns
pull me up from
under this water
this ice cold tomb
where I suffocate
from the pressure
Did you mean it?
that I would be blind folded
whisked away to some
far away fairy tale
to become some spoiled
princess in your palace
did you mean
that I could finally have some
reason to laugh and play
in a childhood that
I neglected myself
only now watched over
with heavy adult eyes
Did you mean it?

I'm waiting for the sack
over my head.

Not tonight

you sing to me
in poetry
in loaded lyrics
the chords cry out
from under your fingers

I know how they feel.

my palms sweat
as yours cradle notes
and harmonics
and I'm jealous
of the way you hold your guitar
the way you close your eyes to remember
of your honesty

my heart falls to the floor
somewhere around my feet
my heart is in my hands
anywhere, but where it should be
at a moment like this
my insides are cold
all the blood is in my head
my skin burns
unsure of what to do
resist the urge to
crawl into your lap
like that lovely guitar
knowing you already play me so well

But I just leave
I can't fall in love with you tonight.